David Kelsen

regardless of faith

regardless of what you believe,

when you walk out the door, you do it alone

you take all your thoughts, judgements and perceptions with you.

whichever ones suit you that day

some are right, some are under, some are completely fucked up

but they’re yours, you own them (at the time, even if you don’t admit to them later)

you can believe that a higher power is with you as you get slaughtered by an oncoming vehicle

but you’re still dead.

you can believe that your soul will move on to another place,

but you don’t really know.

you can say you know.

and you can believe it,

but you don’t.

you believe you know, but in actuality, you don’t.

how can you know, without seeing it?

believing and knowing are two completely different things.

i wish i knew, but i don’t.

Romney, Ryan, Republicans and Doublethink.

Immediately (depending on socio-pressurized perception) you’ve formed an idea about my political leanings.  If I’m wrong raise your hand or .. at least tap the spacebar.

Jeez, you can’t say anything anymore in this frenzied political arena spectacle without being attacked.  A couple of Rush, Keith, O’Reilly, O’Donnell, Hannity, Beck, MSNBC or Fox keywords come out and you’re instantly tagged, sterotyped.

Listening and thoughtful discourse ceases. Ears become rocks. Brains, heretofore naturally absorbent, repel like fortresses in middle age Britannia.

Bunch-a-gonads, the lot of you.

The earth revolves on both axises, north and south poles, equally. Don’t be a dipshit.

Party affiliation and common sense have become oxymoronic. Let’s get real. You really don’t know what is going on do you?

Do you read the whole article and check it’s veracity or do you just skim the headlines and believe what you want to believe?

Policy documents are way too long and dry right?

You don’t understand any of it anyway right?

Are you really that stupid? Can you say baa?

There’s strength in numbers (or herds, flocks, whatever)

Manipulation is king (just ask Hitler, Stalin, Amin, Mao [oh…right, those guys are dead], Ahmadinejad, Chavez, al-Assad).

Which brings me to the onus of this piece.

I don’t care if you’re democrat or republican. What happened to making decisions based on research, facts and common sense?

The new manipulation is creating legislative documents that are so boring the average Joe or Josephine has zero interest in reading them through. And if there’s an attempt, part deux of the gauntlet is obfuscation.

Walter Cronkite is dead. Facts in the media are all but non-existent, replaced by subjective truths.

Subjective truths…Propaganda?

It occurs to me that many may not even understand the traditional definition, purpose or impact of propaganda.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana

This week I heard the Mitt Romney campaign accuse Obama of robbing Medicare of billions of dollars. And yet, Paul Ryan’s (Romney’s running mate) “Path To Prosperity” plan will end Medicare as we know it (according to him).

How is that supposed to be interpreted?

Each of these “plans” are unproven theory. I have no desire to argue conjecture, it’s pointless, my issue is spin.  Enter Doublethink.

One campaign is bashing the other for doing exactly the same thing.

huh?

She left again

My highest high, my lowest low

again

wanted her so bad

wanted her so much

Can’t believe I held her in my arms again, then let her slip away

Kissed her delicious lips again,

Then screwed it up again

I can’t believe I screwed it up again

Can’t move, can’t think, can’t speak

Don’t want to do anything

Don’t want to go anywhere

My heart hurts

There’s a hole larger than sadness crying into it

Rivulets of tears soaking me in sorrow and regret

A future that no longer exists

My dream a mirror thrown against the wall and shattering on the floor

Stepping on jagged shards, cutting my feet, bleeding

Still bleeding, days of bleeding, gallons of blood

Wounds don’t heal, pain doesn’t stop

Echos of wailing against the hills

Gentle tremors from teardrops falling vibrate through my injured soul

Wishing today was a week ago, to get another chance

Another chance

I had another chance

I blew it

again

Slowly the secretions are filling her mouth as her pulse slightly fades

A tear trickles jaggedly down septuagenarian face crevices.

First a drop, then a drop, then the faintest stream.

Breath inconsistently consistent for days

Position, disposition, unchanged 31 hours

Sub-Acute Stroke, a tiny smudge on an MRI, destroyed my mom

Unable to conjugate CO₂, brain under attack

Thinking, thinking, no thinking, no, don’t know

No food, no water, no meds, no movement, 72 hours

Breathing, just breath

And a heart that won’t stop beating.

Unstoppable heart.

beeps, buzzing, motorized transports, chatter, laughing, rubber souled shoes on shiny vinyl tile

A needle

Pain management, comfort care pathway

A doctor shrugging shoulders

Her smile and knowing look relegated to memory

And memories…flood

Her energy and brilliance, dimmed…but only in the physical sense, because her star continues to shine in the thousands of souls she has touched, and improved (BTW)

The sun sets, a soul rises, music is playing somewhere, and it’s better because she was here.

one draft will not suffice

1st draft

immediate attraction.

immediate engagement.

first night passionate kisses

first night embrace 

first night naked

first night all night

We established names at dawn, bumping phones.

Our engagement continued

beautiful, intelligent, wily, impish, wise, independent, strong

my interpretation of you

bars, theater, sunset, music, caresses, kisses, blue men

us 

u r not ready for me yet.

career path woman identified a bump in the prosperity road and dispelled.  

BUT

your natural trajectory of kissing aims at my lips

half way to destination your mind kicks in and diverts to cheek

i see it every time

thank u 

Infected blood.

You don’t understand how much I love you,

How could you,

You don’t understand what’s going on around you,

Probably on a subconscious level…maybe….probably

Like to believe that anyway.

Saw anger and hurt in your eyes today.

Floored me.

Stopped me.

Angered me. (ask me why)

If you were able to look into my heart,

Without your current lens prescription,

That would be nice.

Just want to spend time with you.

Without filters

Without influence

Just us

Being us

.

Didn’t See Any Musically Redeeming Qualities…

So many acts come out with financial backing that have little or no talent, products of some producer’s wet dream. Or maybe an extortion of some kind, affairs, drugs, idiocy..anyway.

The first item I took exception to with Lady Ga-Ga was the name, which kind of goes against my nature, because outlandish names can be fun, but it just seemed so obvious. 

Secondly, the overt Madonna and Bowie borrowings bothered me. Controversy for the sake of controversy has so little merit. If there is meaning behind the expression beyond just getting attention, or if your personality demands you react or respond a certain way which is representative of your personality and beliefs, than so be it. 

But if the effort is merely to make you look rad, than it means nothing and will be forgotten.

I basically dismissed Lady Ga-Ga on a first impression basis. My own subjective, prejudicial first impression. I try not to always be that lame, but it happens.

So Larry, my hair guy, who was a high school football teammate of mine, said he liked Lady Ga-Ga. Larry and I had spent one intense summer building ourselves up for our sophomore football season. We both had intense family issues we were dealing with and ended up developing our own weight-training program (we called them super-sets) and on the days we weren’t lifting, we were running.  We worked out every day. 

In typical “me” fashion, I mentally dismissed his Lady Ga-Ga leanings (although I respect anything he has to say, as a rule).

At this point, it’s important to note that the “meat dress” got my attention. In truth, I loved it. But equally important, I still hadn’t accepted her as an authentic musical artist. I didn’t think I’d heard anything to convince me of any real talent.

So tonight (092511), I’m nonchalantly doing next to nothing, and my mom, who toured with Benny Goodman, on a tour that included Peggy Lee, Ella Fitzgerald, Andre Previn, Lionel Hampton, Scotty LaFaro, the Hi-Lo’s and other Jazz greats says: 

Lady Ga-Ga is a good singer…

Huh??

I pointedly ask, “You like her?”

Keep in mind that in our family, you don’t have to personally like someone’s style of music to respect them as a musician. But If my mom says someone’s good…then they’re good. period.

Age can jade us at times.  As we “mature” we have a tendency to get “set in our ways”. Try not to get caught up in it, because it will surely limit you.  My 72 year-old, kick-your-ass singer mom likes Lady Ga-Ga, and today, so do I.

Meat Dress, Damn, wish I would’ve thought’ve that….

I always think of you on gloomy saturday mornings,
rainy days in bed we didn’t share.

I wonder how you are today?
Do I ever cross your mind?

Promises were made in haste,
atop fictitious clouds,
dreamt aloud then quickly dissipate.

just another dreary day,
the air is damp the light is gray,
A wish decayed or is it just delayed?